So I just wanted to thank everyone for all the support from my last blog entry. It was more of an introduction rather than an actual topic. I am super excited about this week. I came up with the idea while I was thinking about how grateful I am for my friends. So, let’s get into it this week!
Surround yourself with girls they said...it will be fun they said...
As a person who always identified more with my masculine side, I didn't really understand the purpose of surrounding myself with a group of bad-ass girls. I didn't often enjoy the company of other women, and to have a "girls night" was so completely not how I wanted to spend my time.
Have you ever sat and wondered, "why is it so hard to find meaningful female friendships?" I mean really good and strong ride or die friendships. Friends who know you are bat shit crazy, but don't mind being crazy alongside you. I am talking about those chicks who are not scared off by your messy or dark side. Those friends who will sit with you during an ugly snotty nosed cry. The women who will celebrate your wins and mourn your losses with you. No? Doesn’t sound familiar?
WHY ARE THESE FRIENDSHIPS SO HARD TO COME BY? I will tell you why. As women, we tend to be judgemental critters. We view vulnerability as weakness and, oh man, can we get jealous of one another! We compare ourselves to other more successful and prettier women, which in turn, impacts our self worth. So, to not have to bother with all that, we create barriers that block each other out...In a nutshell.
If you are in fact lucky enough to have this sort of rare, raw, and authentic friendship, it is like chicken soup on a cold winter day. The lady spirit requires good solid relationships. I believe it was the Anthropologist Margaret Mead who said (and I am paraphrasing), that the first tell tale sign of civilization wasn’t the presence of fishhooks, rituals or clay pots, it was evidence of a healed femur. In the wild, when an animal breaks their leg they die. The herd marches on without them. Evidence of a healed femur means their tribe took care of them until the individual fully healed and lived on. I personally have a handful of brilliant, bright, beautiful people that would heal my femur but unfortunately for me, they are spread out all over Canada.
Recently, one good thing to transpire from covid, was a friendship that just clicked. She’s compassionate, empathetic, wise and the conversation just flowed. (Which is rare for me). As I got to know her, it seemed like we were ignited and inspired by the same things. She is a mentor, an inspiration, and she spiritually kicks my ass. The best thing is, (and I find this hilarious), we have been neighbours for 7 years and we were never formally introduced.
A while ago I came to the untruthful conclusion that, “I have nothing in common with my neighbours.” It was a story I basically made up that created a wall and prevented me from building this relationship sooner. This person has held space for me and has been so incredibly insightful when I started to do what I like to call the covid spiral. Y’all know what I'm talking about. The whole, what is the meaning of life dance. What is my purpose? What productive things should I be doing? What black leggings should I wear to the couch today? Sometimes we just need that solid person to bring you back from the ledge and remind you that its OK to not feel OK. It is OK to be authentic about not feeling your best self. It's OK to surround yourself with people that remind you to get quiet and sit in your messy diaper for a bit.
As women, we need this authentic support from each other. For the most part, women understand the hormones, the shifts, and the essence of what it's like to have two X chromosomes. We crave that understanding, and we have the need to be heard and validated. That is why it is so important to create a band of girls that rise to the occasion. Let's be those girls that make best friends in the bathroom of a bar because we have lost our inhibitions to be intimidated by one another. Make friendlies with a girl older or younger than you. Why do we have to maintain friends in the same age bracket? Give your neighbours a fighting chance. Trust me, it will be worth it.
That's all for now!
Stay happy, stay healthy and stay YOU!